Modern parents believe toilet training should be an easy and
casual affair.  Just let the child s*%# all over everything.  This
prepares him or her for a brilliant career as a talk show host.
        It used to be thought that children should act like "little
adults".  Like many things that used to be thought, this is true.  In
fact, now more than ever.  Today's real adults are self-involved,
impulsive, inarticulate, and spend as much time as possible out
playing.  They can't sit still, don't like to get dressed up, and hate
every kind of activity that requires self-restraint.  Adults are the
children of today, and therefore children have to be adults because
there's only so much room in the world for kids.
        
             --P.J. O'Rouke

I do system support in a law firm. The other day I had to log a 
user off and then back on. I entered her initials and then she 
just gave me her password (Rule No. 1 broken). Her password 
is genius. After three tries and the system telling me "access 
denied," I asked her how to spell it. She said, 
"G - E - N - I - O - U - S." There's one in every crowd. 

BABY CHICKEN

A 50 year old woman was brought into a New York emergency room 
complaining of abdominal pains. 
During an examination, doctors found that the woman's labia were 
pinned together with old safety pins. Further inside, they found 
the dismembered body of a chicken. The woman explained that she 
inserted the chicken pieces, convinced that they would grow into a baby.