My brother snores soo loud.  Recently we went out west for 
vacation, and he didn't snore at all...except the first night we 
were there.  It got to be so bad that I took my pillow, sheet, and 
blanket and went into the bathroom to sleep.  I put my stuff in 
the bathtub, shut the door, and fell asleep in the tub.  Me, being 
the sound sleeper that I am, didn't hear the door open when my 
brother had to use the toilet.  Seeing me fast asleep in the 
bathtub, he turned the water on.  I slept right through the whole 
thing until morning, when my sheet and blanket were soaked by 
lukewarm water.  I thought I wet the bed until my brother 
confessed a few days later.

A 20 year old man came to casualty with a stony mass in his rectum. 
He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete 
mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his 
anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation and 
pain. Under general anaesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's 
rectum was removed, along with a stray ping-pong ball! 

 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered 
with golden fried onion rings.