A hermit who had an oasis
                            
                    Thought it the best of all places:
                            He could pray and be calm
                            'Neath a pleasant date-palm,
                            
                    While the lice on his ballocks ran races.
                            
                                              

Mary Mary
quite contrary
bought a dildo 
lost your cherry
bought another,
freaked your mother,
now you have sex alone.

Sent by Kendall

There was a young fellow named Bouch
               Who inveigled a girl to a couch. 
                    He said, "Pretty young miss, 
                    I will take you, I wiss, 
               Horizontally, veritcally, crouch." 

               There was a young fellow named Chivy 
               Who, whenever he went to the privy, 
                    First solaced his mind, 
                    And then wiped his behind 
               With some well-chosen pages of Livy 

Said a girl from Staraya Russa,
Whom the war had made looser and looser,
"Yes, I'm wormin' a German,
A vermin named Hermann,
But his dink is a lollapalooza!"