Q: Mommy, Mommy! Can I play with grandma?
A: Not today, we already dug her three times this week.

On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having
trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad
and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back
completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs. 

The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out of
the room himself. Twenty minutes passed and then he came back
himself with a potato around his dick.

The wife gave him a wierd look and then the husband replied
"If your going as a sour-puss, I going as a dictator". 

Mr. Horntoot admitted to his wife that he was feeling much
better since his operation, but couldn't account for the
enormous bump on the back of his head.
"Oh, that," chuckled Mrs. Horntoot. "Just before your
operation they suddenly ran out of ether!" 

   A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint
   the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and
   gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught
   about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts
   on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.
   
   When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show
   their predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything
   like this before?"
   
   "Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but not framed like that."
   

Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?

     So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.