Q: What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots say to his
   students?
A: Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once.

The usual scene. A Doctor says to a patient, "Well, I've got good news
   and bad news."
   
   The patient asks for the bad news and the doctor tells him that he has
   just three weeks to live.
   
   "Three weeks! That's terrible. I'll be dead in three weeks! What's the
   good news."
   
   Doctor says, "See my huge breasted receptionist? Well, I'm fucking
   her!"
   

    Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to
   the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands
   in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the
   green.
   Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the
   fairway and lands in the water trap.
   Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The
   old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over
   the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls
   into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth.As the
   fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and
   grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a
   lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the
   eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out
   of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.
   Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop
   fooling around, we won't bring you next time."

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the
   other side.

What's the difference between women and men? 

     One has morning sickness, the other has morning stiffness.