What did Clinton say when accused of copying his homework from his girlfriend at Oxford? I did not have textual relations with that woman.
The Y-Zero-K Problem Translated from a recently discovered Latin scroll dated 2BC Dear Cassius: Are you still working on the Y zero K problem? This change from BC to AD is giving us many headaches; there is not much time left. I don't know how citizens will cope with working the wrong way around. Having been working happily downwards forever, now we have to start thinking upwards. You would think that someone would have thought of this earlier and not left it to us to sort it out at the last minute. I spoke to Caesar the other evening. He was livid that Julius hadn't done something about it when he was working out the calendar. He said he could see why Brutus turned nasty. We called in Consultus, but he simply said that continuing downwards using minus BC won't work and as usual charged a fortune for doing nothing useful. Surely, we will not have to throw out all our hardware and start again? Macrohard will make yet another fortune out of this, I suppose. The money lenders are paranoid of course! They have been told that all usury rates will invert, and they will have to pay their clients to take out loans. It is an ill wind... . As for myself, I just cannot see how the sand in an hourglass will flow upwards. We have heard that there are three wise men in the East who have been working on the problem, but unfortunately they won't arrive until it's all over. I have heard that there are plans to stable all horses at midnight at the turn of the year as there are fears that they will stop and try to run backwards, causing immense damage to chariots and possible loss of life. Some say the world will cease to exist at the moment of transition. Anyway, we are still continuing to work on this acursed Y zero K problem. I will send you a parchment if anything further develops. If you have any ideas please let me know, Plutonius Sent by Marina
UNIVERSAL GRADE CHANGE FORM ____________________University To: Professor____________________ From:___________________________ I think my grade in your course,___________________, should be changed from ______ to _______ for the following reasons: ______1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did. ______2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did. ______3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into: ______Medical School ______Graduate School ______Dental School ______My Fraternity/Sorority ______The Mickey Mouse Club ______Tri County Tech ______4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in _______________. ______5. I'll lose my scholarship. ______6. I'm on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam. ______7. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the materisal asked for on the exam. ______8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact. ______9. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about general principles. _____10. You are prejudiced against: ______Males ______Jews ______Blacks ______Females ______Catholics ______Whites ______Protestants ______Moslems ______Minorities ______Chicanos ______People ______Students _____11. If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or at least cut my allowance. _____12. I was unable to do well in this course because of the following illness: ______mono ______broken baby finger ______acute alcoholism ______pregnancy ______VD ______fatherhood _____13. You told us to be creative but you didn't tell us exactly how you wanted that done. _____14. I was creative and you said I was just shooting the bull. _____15. I don't have a reason; I just want a higher grade. _____16. The lectures were: ______too detailed to pick out important points ______not explained in sufficient detail ______too boring ______all jokes and not enough material ______all of the above _____17. This course was: ______too early, I was not awake. ______at lunchtime, I was hungry ______too late, I was tired _____18. My (dog, cat, gerbil) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my (book, notes, paper) for this course. _____19. Other___________________________________________________
This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards -- something unusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day -- "Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry." The blonde replied, "How cool! I'll take the whole box!"
What the difference between true love and herpes? - Herpes lasts forever
