Need a change? Here's the Spice Girls Application Form . . . Name: Age: Real Age: 1. How would you describe yourself? a. An energetic self starter b. A team player c. Pro-active d. A tasty bit of crumpet 2. Do you have any vestige of talent, besides your chest or butt? 3. Would it bother you if you were the target of unrelenting hatred? 4. Are you willing to trade sexual favours for a career in the music industry? a. Yes b. No 5.How many times have you been kicked out of karaoke bar? 6. Does nudity bother you? If so give three excuses for your portfolio. 7. Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of individual free will in light of the deterministic theories of neurochemical medicine and modern behaviourist psychology. ...just kidding!! 6. Seriously, do you like wearing leather mini-skirts? a. Yes b. No 8. Are you deceptively attractive in coloured or stroboscopic light? 9. Choose an appropriate SPICE nickname: a. Sexy b. Nasty c. Sweetie d. Eezie e. Syphilis f. Olde 10. Choose an appropriate SPICE image: a. Cute, blonde, appeals to paedophiles b. Tub of lard c. Bloke in a tracksuit d. Vacant stare, no discernible brain activity e. Terrifying to small children and old men f. All of the above 11. Do you promise to make two albums and then go away forever? a. Yes b. No 12. Elvis Costello is________________. a. the king of rock and roll b. former partner to Bud Abbott c. Ollet Socsivle backwards d. oh, you know, this guy 13. If two trains leave Liverpool an hour apart at 90 kilometres and 75 kilometres an hour respectively, how would you look in a bikini? 14. If required as part of your contract, would you be willing to help alleviate Prince Charles' loneliness? a. Yes b. No 15. List three body parts you'd be willing to pierce and expose continuously. 16. In the space provided, tell us why you want, why you really, really, want this job.
One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class "What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?" Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. "I think your heart goes first because, that's were your emotions of love are." "Very interesting." replied the teacher. Seeing no one else had their hand raised but Johnny, she finally called on him. "I think your feet go up first." Confused but relieved the teacher said, "Why is that?" Johnny replied, "Once when I walked in my parents room I saw my dad on my mom, and she had her feet in the air saying "Oh God!"
The modest man is in the hospital for a series of test. One of the last test has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bed up with human waste and was embarrased beyond anything he could possibly face. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussing and swinging his arms which drew the attention of the security guard. The security guard ask: "What's going on?" To which the drunk replied: "I just beat the shit out of a ghost."
Did you hear about the new downhill racing skis the ski resorts are selling this year? They are called Lewin-skis. They are for people who like to go down.
One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong. Billy watches, and after a couple of minutes asks,"Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsie ride?" "Of course, Son, we're a family." So Billy climbs on and after a few more minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly. "Hang on Dad!", cries Billy, "this is where me and the mailman usually falls off!"
