Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya 
know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft 
and attic at church. I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing
seems to scare them away. 

Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in 
the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." 

The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the 
church... Haven't seen one back since!" 



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1 


A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started 
feeling ill. "Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?" 
"No," her mother replied. 
"Well, I think I have to throw up!" 
"Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up 
behind a bush." In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat. 
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked. 
"Yes," the little girl replied. 
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and 
return so quickly?" 
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy." the little girl replied. 
"They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the sick'."



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2 


McAteer arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with 
tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was 
already homesick.
"No," replied McAteer. "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?" 
"The cork fell out," said the Irishman. 



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3 


DRINKING SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent 
light strip across it. 
FAULT: You have fallen over backward. 
ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, 
stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; latch self to bar. 
  
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts. 
FAULT: You have fallen forward. 
ACTION: See above. 



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4 


A drunken blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would 
like, and she replies, "Gimme a beer." 
The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?" 
To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?" 



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5