What does a lesbian think the string on the end of a tampoon is for? 

     For flossing after eating. 



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1 


A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel.
He went up to the pimp, and asked him what he had. 
The pimp showed him a blonde whore for $50, but she was
far too expensive. 
The pimp then showed him a brunette for $10, but she was
also too expensive. 
Finally the pimp showed him a whore for $1, who happened
to have her legs open ready. 
The man agreed, but the pimp said he must wear a black condom. 
So the man wore the condom and bonked his heart out and had
the time of his life. He enjoyed it so much he went back the
next day for the same $1 whore, and again had to wear a black
condom.
Again the prostitute had her legs open ready. 
When he went the day after, he asked the pimp why he must wear
a black condom? 
The pimp told him "To show respect for the dead." 



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2 


What do you call an open can of tuna fish in a lesbian's apartment? 

     Potpourri 



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3 


There were two guys walking down the street
and they saw a dog licking his nuts.
One of the guys said. "Man I wish I could do that".
Then the other guy said, "Man that dog will bite you!"! 



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4 


APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT
     
NAME:  Greg Bulmash
     
DESIRED POSITION:  Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's 
available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying 
here in the first place.
     
DESIRED SALARY:  $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael 
Ovitz style severance package.  If that's not possible, make an offer 
and we can haggle.
     
EDUCATION:  Yes.
     
LAST POSITION HELD:  Target for middle-management hostility.
     
SALARY:  Less than I'm worth.
     
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:  My incredible collection of stolen pens and 
post-it notes.
     
REASON FOR LEAVING:  It sucked.
    
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:  Any.
     
PREFERRED HOURS:  1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
     
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:  Yes, but they're better suited to a 
more intimate environment.
    
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:  If I had one, would I be here?
    
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:  Of what?
     
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:  I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
     
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:  I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse
Sweepstakes.
     
DO YOU SMOKE?:  Only when set on fire.
     
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:  Living in Bimini with 
a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing 
since sliced bread.  Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
     
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR 
KNOWLEDGE?:  No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
     
SIGN HERE:  Scorpio with Libra rising.


Sent by Alex



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5