A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as 
he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped 
the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him,
"You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and 
Easter?"
He whispered back, "Shhhhhhhhh. I'm in the secret service."



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1 


(This joke requires the use a small visual.  I'll describe the visual
first, then as I tell the joke I'll cue you when to use it)   
Visual:  Stretch your arms straight out sideways with hands also
stretched wide open.
Joke:  Why did the blonde want to date Jesus?  She heard he was (use
visual) HUNG LIKE THIS!!!!



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2 


What's green and has wheels?



A Frog

I lied about the wheels





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3 


Q: What's the differenc between a blond and a mosquito?

A: A mosquito stops sucking once you whack it.



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4 


Waiter: "How did you find your steak, sir,"? 
Young Man: "Quite accidentally, I assure you. 
I moved that piece of lettuce and there it was." 



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5