There were two cows in a paddock, enjoying the sun and eating some grass. 
The first cow said "Moo."
And the second cow said "That's funny, I was just about to say that." 



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1 


The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss, since I control what the person 
thinks." 
The hands said, "I should be boss because I do almost everything for the 
person."
The legs declared, "I shuld be boss since I carry the body and all the 
weight is on me."
So they went on, each stating their qualities and uses.
Then the Asshole spoke up, "I think I should be boss, because.."
He had not finished when everyone else started laughing at him. "You, an 
asshole, be the boss? You gotta be kidding!"
The asshole was very unhappy, and he closed himself up.
The body soon suffered a terrible constipation, and the organs could not 
take it anymore. "Ok, ok, you're the boss!" they gave
in. So the asshole became the boss of the body.

The moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss, you just need 
to be an asshole. 



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2 


A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind 
a big fat lady. The little boy says, "hey dad, look how fat that lady is!"
"Shhhh, quiet son, she'll hear you."
"But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!"
"Shhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice!"
"But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!"
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice and it's rude!"
Suddenly the fat lady's beeper goes off.
"Look out dad, she's backing up!" 



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3 


Did you know that Mike Tyson has an upcoming bout with Prince Charles? 

     It seems that no-one else has big enough ears to go 12 rounds. 



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4 


The other day my house caught fire. The insurance agent said, "Shouldn't 
be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?" I said, "Fire and 
theft."
Insurance agent frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft."
Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the 
house is robbed while it's burning down. 



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5