At The Superbowl

   Bob received a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company.
   Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realizes the seat is
   in the last row in the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the
   Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first
   quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the
   50 yard line. He decided to take a chance and makes his way through
   the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.
   As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse
   me, is anyone sitting here?"
   The man said "no".
   Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the
   man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would
   have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?!"
   The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was
   supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first
   Superbowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."
   "That's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone
   to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?"
   "No," the man replied, "they're all at the funeral."




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1 



    DOUBLE VODKA

   A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six
   double vodka."
   The barman says "Wow! you must have had one really bad day."
   "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
   The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same
   drinks.
   When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came
   back,
   "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
   On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six
   double vodkas.
   The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
   "Yeah, my wife..."




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2 


Feminist's Fairytale!!
   Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess
   happened upon a frog in a pond.
   The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an
   evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and will turn back
   into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom
   and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and
   forever feel happy doing so."
   That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing
   and saying, "I don't think so."




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3 



    A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder.
   Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds.
   Curious, he begins to climb. Before long, he is *in* the clouds. He
   looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in
   his life.
   Obese, snaggle-toothed, matted hair..... She looks at him, beckons,
   and says, "Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success."
   Well, having no intention of doing *anything* with this woman, the man
   climbs higher up the ladder. A bit further on, he comes upon a woman
   slightly less ugly than the woman before. Not attractive, by any
   means, but not repugnant. "Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to
   success, "she says.
   Again, the man elects to continue his climb.
   Before long, he comes upon another woman. This one is actually
   attractive. Not a knock-out, but very pleasing. "Have sex with me, or
   climb the ladder to success."
   Well, he figures the women keep getting better and better looking as
   he gets higher and higher. So he decides to continue climbing.
   A bit farther up is the most gorgeous woman he's ever seen in his
   life! Miss America beautiful. In a sultry voice she says, "Have sex
   with me, or climb the ladder to success." Well, needless to say he is
   *very* tempted.
   But he just can't imagine what could top this woman, so he decides to
   climb higher.
   On the next cloud up is a horrid 500 lb man. You can see the lice in
   his hair, he stinks, his clothes are ratty..... "Who are you?" our
   climber asks in horror. Grinning a toothless grin, the man looks at
   him and says, "Hi. I'm Cess.




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4 


The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the
   strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000.00 bet. The
   bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass,
   and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop
   of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time
   (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
   One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a
   polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try
   the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK,
   grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled
   remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned
   to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six
   drops fell into the glass.
   As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000.00, and asked the
   little man, "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a
   weightlifter, or what?" The man replied, "I work for the IRS."




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