Dr. Seuss Meets Fornigate -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I am Starr. Starr I are. I'm a brilliant barri-star. I'm here to ask, as you'll soon see, Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky? Did you grope her in your house? Did you grope beneath her blouse? Did she give you gifts and ties? Were you spied by prying eyes? I did not do that here or there! I did not do that anywhere! I did not do that in a chair! I went not near her giant hair! I did not join -- even for fun, The Mile High Club in Air Force One, So stow your feathers and your tar, I did not do her Starr you are! Did you smile? Did you Flirt? Did you peek beneath her skirt? And did you tell the girl to lie, When called upon to testify? That is it; you've gone too far! I do not like you Starr you are! I will not answer any more! In fact, I think I'll start a war! The public's easy to distract, When bombs are falling on Iraq! Send this poem to a friend 1 De Ebonics Crimmus Poem Wuz de nite befo Crimmus; And all ower da hood; ereybody wuz' sleepin'; Dey wuz sleepin' good. We hunged up our stockings; An hoped like de' heck; That old Santa Clause; Be bringin' our check. All o'de fambily; Wuz layin in de beds; While Ripple and Thunderbird; Danced through dey heads. I passed out inna' flo; Right nex to my Maw; When I heard sech a fuss; I looked out thru de bars; What covered my doe; 'spectin' de sheriff; Wif a warrent fo sho. And what did I see; I said, "Lawd look at dat!!" Ther' wuz a huge watermellon; Pulled by giant warf rats!! Now ober all de years; Santa Clause, he be white; But looks liken us bros; Gets a black Sanna dis nite. Faster dan a Po'lees car; My home boy he came; He whupped on dem warf rats; An' called dem by name! On Leroy, on 'Lonzo ; And on Willie Lee; On Saphire, on Chenequa; Dey wuz a site to see!! As he landed dat watta' mellon; Out der in da skreet; I knowed it was fo' sho'; Da damndest site I ebber did see. He didn't go down no chimbley; He picked da' lock on my doe; An' I sez to myself; "Shit!! He done dis befoe!!!" He had dis big bag; Full of prezents I 'xpect; Wid Air Jordans and fake gold; To wear roun' my neck. But he left no good prezents; Jus started stealing my shit; Got my drugs, got my guns, Even got my burglar's kit!! Wit my stuff in de bag; Out da window he flewed; I woudda' tried to catched him; But he stoled my 'nife too!! He jumped on dat wadda' mellon; An' whipped out a switch; He wuz gone in a seccon'; Dat son of a bitch!! Next year I be hopin': Anutha Sanna we git; Cuz' diz here Sanna Clause; Jus' ain't werf a shit!!! Send this poem to a friend 2 The typists in Wheesley and Beesley All fornicate keenly and eas'ly, In this pleasant way They add to their pay Which in Wheesley and Beesley is measly Send this poem to a friend 3 Rosalina, a pretty young lass Had a bruly magnificant ass: Not rounded and pink, As you possibly think - It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass. Send this poem to a friend 4 According to old Sigmind Freud, Life is seldom so fully enjoied, As in human coition In every position With the usual organs employed. Send this poem to a friend 5
