Did you know that the night Santa first met his future
wife he uttered the now famous words: 

     "Yes, that is a candy cane in my pocket, and I am glad to meet you." 



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1 


 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed.
He says "Doc, I think I'm impotent." Doctor sits him
down and begins the standard speech he gives to senior
citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions
slow down and it is completely normal to suffer some
decrease in sexual desire. How the man shouldn't worry
or become upset about it, but should just relax and
things will probably be completely fine and
blah blah blah. Finally the doctor asks "When
did you first begin to think you were impotent?"

"Three times last night, and again this morning." 



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2 


On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local
brothel and the madam said, "You'll have to wait."
"But there's lots of girls that aren't busy right now."
"Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs."
"Listen, I'm pretty desperate. I don't need a room."
So she takes his money and he goes upstairs with one of
the staff and, after looking for a place to consummate
the transaction, they decide to do it on the roof. But
it's a very cold night, and they freeze to death and
fall to the sidewalk. A passing drunk looks them over,
staggers to the door, and knocks.

"Go away!" says the madam. "We don't allow drunks in here!"

"I don't want in," says the drunk. "I just wanted to tell
you that your sign fell down." 



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3 


A man had a flat tire on a very cold winter day. He told his girl
friend he'd have it fixed in no time. 
However as it was very cold his hands kept getting cold. He asked
his girl if he could put his hands between her knees to warm them. 

She said that would be allright. After getting his hands warm he
went back to fixing the tire but it was so cold he could not
continue so he again asked his girl if he could warm his hands.

She again said it would be allright. When his hands were warm he
went back to fixing the tire once more. But before he been out
there five minutes or so he again asked her if he could warm his
hands.

His girl asked "Honey don't your ears ever get cold?" 



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4 


Did you hear about the woman who only had two chances to get pregnant?

    -She blew them both... 



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5