Special High Intensity Teaching



Memo to all students:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity
From students, it will be our policy to keep all students well
taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING
(S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than any 
other school. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. 
on the course, please see your lecturer.  You will be immediately placed 
at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilled
at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Students who don't know S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL
EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).  Those who fail to 
take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE 
TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).  Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they 
graduated, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, as they are all full of 
S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job
teaching others.  We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING
LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

For students who are intending to pursue a career in management and
consultancy, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL
OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course
emphasizes on how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF
TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).


Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)





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1 


Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap?

She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.



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2 


How Shit Happens



In the Beginning was The Plan
And then came the Assumptions
And the Assumptions were without form
And the Plan was completely without substance
And the darkness was upon the face of the Workers
And the Workers spoke amongst themselves, saying
"It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."
And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and sayeth,
"It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,
"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong,
     such that none may abide by it."
And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth,
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying one to another,
"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth unto them,
"It promotes growth and is very powerful."
And the Vice Presidents went unto the President and sayeth unto him,
"This new Plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of this
     Company, and in these Areas in particular."
And the President looked upon The Plan,
And saw that it was good, and The Plan became Policy.
And this is how Shit Happens.





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3 


What were Michael Jackson's baby's first words?


                             Which one's Mommy?



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4 


TO MY DEAR WIFE,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have
succeeded 36 times,which is an average of once every ten days. The
followingis a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to muss your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 6 times
you just layed there, 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling, 4
times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you and
tell you I finished, and one time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you
move.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get
more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the
balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty
book
98 times you were too busy watching football,baseball, etc.
on TV

Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because you missed
and were fucking the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what
I said was ,"Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt
me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.



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5