One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be 
judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he 
could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and 
God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the 
only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500 
pound, stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and 
enjoy it. Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an 
eternity in heaven. So off he went with this enormous woman, 
pretending to be happy.

As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. 
Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he was with. 
When he approached Carlos he asked him what was going on, 
and Carlos replied, "I cheated on my income taxes and 
scammed the government out of a lot of money...even more 
then you did." They both shook their heads in understanding 
and figured that as long as they have to be with these women, 
they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.

Now Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking 
along, minding their own business when Tony and Carlos could 
have sworn that they saw their friend Jon up ahead, only this 
man was with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous supermodel / 
centerfold. Stunned, Tony and Carlos approached the man and 
in fact it was their friend Jon. They asked him how is he with 
this unbelievable goddess, while they were stuck with these 
god-awful women.

Jon replied, "I have no idea, and I'm definitely not complaining. 
This has been absolutely the best time of my life (and I'm 
dead,) and I have five years of the best sex any man could hope 
for to look forward to. There is only one thing that I can't seem 
to understand. After everytime we have sex, she rolls over and 
murmur's to herself, "Damn income taxes!"



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1 


A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord's 
Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after 
her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The 
mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each 
word right up to the end..."And lead us not into temptation", 
she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."



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2 


A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a 
while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight." 

He says, "Why's that?" 

She says, "Because you've been eating grass for fifteen 
minutes."



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3 


During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was 
asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of 
you."

"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You 
undress and tell me when you're through."

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, 
I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"

"Put them on the chair, on top of mine."



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4 


Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this 
case? 

Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long. 

Judge: Can't they do without you at work? 

Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.



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5