Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable.  No matter how legitimate
my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.

On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth
was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury
and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could
think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.

The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to
adopt a cute little kitty.  Initially the new acquisition was no problem, 
but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my 
wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.  "Ed!  The garbage disposal is 
dead.  Come reset it."

"You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter-
patter). "Reset it yourself!"

"I am scared!" She pleaded.  "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
(Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement
about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched 
down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last 
action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it
wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was 
our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between 
my legs.  She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took 
the bait under the sink.  At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, 
she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her 
needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, while
rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a 
kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced 
with a "fight or flight" syndrome.  Men, in this predicament, choose only 
the "flight" option.  Fleeing straight up, the sink and cabinet bluntly 
impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully
briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their
work while suppressing hysterical laughter.

At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept 
silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about.

"What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" If they had only known.



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                             $250 Cookie Recipe
     
   
This message is sent to you with the hope you will forward it to EVERYONE
you have ever even seen the e-mail address of.   In the spirit of the
originator, please feel free to post it anywhere and everywhere.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

     Okay, everyone... a true story of justice in the good old U.S. of A.
Thought y'all might enjoy this; if nothing else, it shows internet
justice, if it can be called that.

     My daughter & I had just finished a salad at Neiman-Marcus Cafe in
Dallas & decided to have a small dessert.   Because our family are such
cookie lovers, we decided to try the "Neiman-Marcus Cookie".   It was so
excellent that I asked if they would give me the recipe and they said with a
small frown, "I'm afraid not."   Well, I said, would you let me buy the
recipe?  With a cute smile, she said, "Yes."   I asked how much, and she
responded, "Two fifty."  I said with approval, just add it to my tab.
Thirty days later, I received my VISA statement from Neiman-Marcus and it
was $285.00.  I looked again and I remembered I had only spent $9.95 for
two salads and about $20.00 for a scarf.  As I glanced at the bottom of the
statement, it said, "Cookie Recipe - $250.00."   Boy, was I upset!!   I
called Neiman's Accounting Dept. and told them the waitress said it was
"two fifty," and I did not realize she meant $250.00 for a cookie recipe.
I asked them to take back the recipe and reduce my bill, and they said
they were sorry, but because all the recipes were this expensive so not
just everyone could duplicate any of our bakery recipes....the bill would
stand.

     I waited, thinking of how I could get even or even try and get any of
my money back.

     I just said, "Okay, you folks got my $250.00 and now I'm going to have
250.00 worth of fun."  I told her that I was going to see to it that every
cookie lover will have a $250.00 cookie recipe from Neiman-Marcus for
nothing.  She replied, "I wish you wouldn't do this."  I said, "I'm sorry
but this is the only way I feel I could get even," and I will.

     So, here it is, and please pass it to someone else or run a few
copies....I paid for it; now you can have it for free.

                         (Recipe may be halved.):
           2  cups butter                     4  cups flower
           2  tsp. soda                        2  cups sugar
           5  cups blended oatmeal**         24 oz. chocolate chips
           2  cups brown sugar                1  tsp. salt
           1  8 oz. Hershey Bar (grated)      4  eggs
           2  tsp. baking powder          3 cups chopped nuts (your choice)
           2  tsp. vanilla

             ** measure oatmeal and blend in a blender to a fine powder.
              Cream the butter and both sugars.  Add eggs and vanilla;
              mix together with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and
              soda.  Add chocolate chips, Hershey Bar and nuts.  Roll into
              balls and place two inches apart on a cookie sheet.  Bake
              for 10 minutes at 375 degrees.  Makes 112 cookies.

             Have fun!!!  This is not a joke --- this is a true story.
  




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[AP, Cairo, Egypt, 31 Aug 1995]
Six people drowned Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen
into a well in southern Egypt. An 18-year-old farmer was the first to
descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an
undercurrent in the water pulled him down, police said. His sister and
two brothers, none of whom could swim well, went in one by one to help
him, but also drowned. Two elderly farmers then came to help, but they
apparently were pulled down by the same undercurrent. The bodies of the
six were later pulled out of the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240
miles south of Cairo. The chicken was also pulled out. It survived.





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