A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multicoloured
hair that's green, purple and orange.  His clothes are a tattered mix of
leather rags.  His legs are bare and he's wearing worn-out shoes.
 His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewellery and his earring
are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly
across from an old man who glares at him for the next ten miles.
 Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man: "What are
you looking at you old fart...didn't you ever do anything wild when you were
young?"
 Without missing a beat, the old man replies: "Yeah, back when I was young
and in the Navy I got really drunk one night in Singapore and had sex with
a parrot.... I thought maybe you were my son."



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1 


There is 2 fags walking down the beach. They are holding hands and
kicking the sand with their feet. One happens to kick a lamp that is
lying buried in the sand. He pick it up and starts to clean it off.
All of a sudden a Genie comes out of the lamp.

Genie, " Man, I don't believe it. I have stuck in that bottle for 2
thousand years and  the first person to come along and find me is a
fag. I am suppose to give you 3 wishes but I just can't do it. I won't
even give you 2. I will give you one wish and that is it. What will it
be."

The 2 fags are excited about getting their wish but couldn't come up
with what they wanted to wish for on such short notice.

Fag1 says," Could you give us just a little time to think about it?  I
mean one wish we need a little time."

The Genie looks down and says, "Alright you can take as long as you
want but I am not going to stay here until you come up with it. I just
can't stand the sight of you two. Whenever youmake me your mind just
wish for it and it will done."

At that moment the Genie grabs his bottle and flys off into the sky.
Well the two fags decide that they will go back to the motel room and
decide on what they will wish for. Once they got back their emotions
took over and they starting doing all that fag stuff. 

Right as they were getting into it, the door of their room gets busted
down and 6 men in white sheets come in. They grab the fags and throw a
rope around their necks. 

Fag1 looks at Fag2 and says, " You know this might be a good time use
our wish."

Fag2 says, "I already made it."

Fag1 " What the hell did you wish for?"

Fag2  " Well, I wish that we were hung like two niggers."



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2 


God created the mule, and told him, 'you will be Mule, working
constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat 
grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years.
 The mule answered: 'To live like this for 50 years is too much. 
Please, give me no more than 20.'   And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, 'you will hold vigilance
over the dwellings of Man, to him you will be his greatest companion.  You
will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years.'
And the dog responded, 'Lord, to live 25 years as a dog is too much.
Please, no more than 10 years.' And it was so.
 God then created the monkey, and told him, 'You are Monkey.  You shall
 swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny,
and you shall live for 20 years.'
And the monkey responded, 'Lord, to live 20 years as the  clown of the
world is too much. Please, Lord, give me  no more than 10 years.'  
And it was so.
Finally, God created Man and told him, 'You are Man, the only rational
being that walks the earth.  You will use your intelligence to have
mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and
live for 20 years.
And the man responded, 'Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too
little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years
the dog refused, and the ten years the monkey rejected.'   And it was so.
And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live
20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back.  Then, he 
is to  have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and
eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry then, in his old age, to live 
10 years as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren.



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3 


You know why a dog licks his ass?

Because he knows in five minutes he'll be licking your face.



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4 


 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are
mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great
doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband
and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of
tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say......LOOK, HE'S
MOVING!!!!!"



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5