A man and a woman are on an elevator at the top of the
world's tallest building, when all of a sudden, the cable
snaps and the elevator starts plummeting to the ground. 
The emergency brakes don't work, the emergency phone
doesn't work, and they both begin to panic. 
The woman screams "We're going to die!", rips of all her
clothes, throws herself on the floor and says to the man
"make me feel like a woman again!" 
So, he pulls off his jacket, throws it on the floor, and
says "pick that up, bitch." 



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1 


Two men were walking along the street when they came
upon a dog licking his dick.

One man said, "I sure wish I could do that." 

The other replied, "You can, but you're probably going
to have to pet him first."



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2 


A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her
husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was about
to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:

Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.

Driving along the highway, I saw this young woman looking tired and
bedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast
beef you had forgotten in refrigerator. She had only some worn sandals
on her feet, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you had discarded
because they had gone out of style. She was cold so I gave her a
sweater I bought you for your birthday that you never wore because the
color did not suit you. Her pants were worn out so I gave her a pair
of yours that were perfectly good but too small for you now. Then when
she was about to leave the house she paused and asked, "Is there
anything else your wife doesn't use any more?" 



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3 


Have you heard about the new Mechanical Whore?

    -She gives a licking and keeps on ticking. 



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4 


It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first
assignment, and it was guard duty.
A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous
young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute,
and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"
The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute
and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"
Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to
disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and
replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".
The General continued, "You know there's something about a
stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing.
Don't you agree?"
The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a
private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever,
the best type of dog to train."
The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said
"Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."
The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!" 



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5