* Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you
       think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
         1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
         2. Advising the President.
         3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
       --David Letterman




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1 


* Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her.




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2 


* My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. --
       Ashleigh Brilliant




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3 


* Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather
       straps. -- Emo Phillips




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4 


* Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your
       triumphs or how tragic your defeats---approximately one billion
       Chinese couldn't care less.




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