A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass.
   Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened
   criminals.
         Ronnie Corbett




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1 


A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do
   nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
         Fred Allen




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2 


I have a daughter who goes to SMU. She could've gone to UCLA here in
   California, but it's one more letter she'd have to remember.
         Sheckly Greene




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3 


Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
         Red Buttons




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4 


The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the
   second day you're off it.
         Jackie Gleason




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5