There was an old man of Madrid 
            Who went to an auction to bid. 
                In the first lot they sold 
                Was an ancient commode--- 
            And, my God, when they lifted the lid! 



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1 


There was once a sad Maitre d'hotel 
            Who said, "They can all go to hell! 
                What they do to my wife--- 
                Why it ruins my life; 
            And the worst is, they all do it well." 
                                      



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2 


There was a young fellow named Cribbs 
            Whose cock was so big it had ribs. 
                They were inches apart, 
                And to suck, it took art, 
            While to fuck, it took forty-two trips. 



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3 


There was a young lady named Maude 
            A terrible society fraud: 
                In company, I'm told 
                She was awfully cold. 
            But if you got her alone, Oh My God! 



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4 



            There was a young student of art 
            Who made a strange anatomical chart: 
                In place of the chest 
                A grease spot on the vest, 
            And in place of the asshole a fart. 



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5