How do men exercise at the beach? 
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.  



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1 


Tombstone Epitaph:
Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising



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2 


A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a
judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He
asked if they had a license and, when they didn't, sent them off to get
one.
 
They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got the
license from him. When they got back to the judge, he pointed out they
had filled the names in backwards -- his where hers belonged and vice
versa. They rushed back to the clerk's office, caught him again, and got
another license.
 
This time, the judge noticed that the clerk had filled in the date in
the wrong format. Again they catch the clerk... After five reissued
licenses, the judge is finally satisfied.
 
Judge: "I hope you appreciate why I made you keep going back. If there
are irregularities in the license, your marriage would not be legal, and
any children you might have would be technical bastards."
 
Groom: "That's funny - that's just what the clerk called you."



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3 


What was the first thing Adam said to Eve ?

"Stand back .... I don't know how big this thing is going to grow !"



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4 


It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the
   zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress,
   sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in
   front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on
   the bars, holding on w/one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding
   his chest w/the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady
   in the sheer dress.
   
   The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the
   poor fellow. He tells her to pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and
   flirt w/the ape.
   
   She does and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that
   would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her
   straps fall; she does, and the gorilla is so excited, he's just about
   to tear the bars down.
   
   The husband then suggests that the wife lift her dress up above the
   thighs... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
   
   Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the
   door to the cage, slings her in w/the gorilla and says, "Now, tell him
   you have a headache."




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5