One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the- influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy." Send this joke to a friend 1 Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he'd done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he'd missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First the teacher asks, "Johnny what does a cow have four of, that I only have two of?" Johnny replies, "Legs." So the teacher asks, "Johnny, what do you have in your pants that I don't have in my pants?" "Pockets," Johnny replies. Finally the teacher asks, "And Johnny, what is the capital of Italy?" "Rome," is his answer. With that the teacher turns to the principal and asks, "Well, shall we pass him?" "Better not ask me," the principal says, "I got the first two wrong!" Send this joke to a friend 2 A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, " My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays." The man thinks: " What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, " My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?" The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it." Send this joke to a friend 3 What did one Lesbian Frog say to the other? Gee, we really do taste like chicken. Send this joke to a friend 4 The recent announcement that Mattel and the producers of "Baywatch" have joined forces to create Baywatch Barbie came as no surprise. After all, both companies have made millions off airheads with flawless skins, Malibu tans, and synthetic breasts. If Baywatch Barbie sells well, other Barbie/TV tie-ins seem certain to follow. Some possibilities: Melrose Place Barbie: Comes complete with her Barbie Dream Apartment, where Skipper and the rest of the gang live rent-free. Other accessories include a bottle of vodka, silk sheets and an arrest warrant. Dr. Barbie, Medicine Woman: This helpful doll offers other homesteaders important tips like what conditioner to use out on the Plains and how to take care of their nails while shoeing a horse. America's Most Wanted Barbie: She's on the run after 30 years of crime against feminism. Oprah Barbie: Push a button on her back and this Barbie actually speaks! Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class is, Ballerina Barbie's struggle with bulimia, and Kens who wear Barbie's clothes. My So-Called Barbie: She faces the same troubling issues as regular teens who don't have huge wardrobes, pools, ponies, and perfect bods. Roseanne Barbie: The dark side of the American dream is explored with this doll, which shows what happened after Barbie graduated from high school, married too young and ate too much. Murder, Barbie Wrote: Whenever this elder stateswoman of the Barbie set (she's 27!) arrives in the playhouse, all the other dolls mysteriously disappear. Send this joke to a friend 5
