What did the blind man say when he was handed a cheese grater? 

     - "Thats the most violent book I've ever read." 



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1 


If I have a rooster and you have a donkey and your donkey bites
off my roosters feet, what do you have? 

    Two feet of my cock in your ass. 



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2 


What goes "click click, Is that it?, click click, Is that it?" 

     Steveie Wonder doing a rubik's cube 



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3 


Holiday Party Festivity Levels

Level I: 

     Your guests are conversing quietly, nibbling at their hors d'oerves,
     and sipping their drinks. Later, some of the gather by the piano to
     sing carols while others admire the ornaments on your tree. 

Level II: 

     Your guests are talking loudly, wolfing hors d'oerves, and drinking
     from the bottles. Some people gather by the piano to sing "I Gotta
     Be Me" while others begin rearranging your ornaments. 

Level III: 

     Your guests are arguing wildly among themselves, those that haven't
     passed out from the upside-down margaritas. One person is singing
     "I Can't Get No Satisfaction", which can barely be heard over the
     sound of breaking ornaments. A small group of guests begin placing
     hors d'oerves in the piano to see what happens when the little
     hammers strike. 

Level IV: 

     Your guests, hors d'oerves smeared over their naked bodies, are
     performing a ritualistic dance around the burning Christmas tree.
     The piano is missing. 

In general, you want to keep your party around Level III, unless you rent
your home, have insurance, and are carrying firearms. The quickest way to
get to Level III is egg-nog. 



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4 


Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship
that sank in the Bermuda Triangle. They made it to an uninhabited island.

Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamed
of what she was doing.

Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamed
of what they were doing.

Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up again--being so ashamed
of what they were doing. 



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5