A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does." Send this joke to a friend 1 Woman: Two *Achoo!* tickets, please. Clerk: Have you purchased tickets here before? Woman: *cough* No. Clerk: Then I need your address. Woman: Okay. It's 260..*AHEM* Sorry..Laryngitis... Clerk: You'll have to spell that one for me. Send this joke to a friend 2 Did you hear that Betty Crocker passed away. The funeral is set at 4:50 for ten to fifteen minutes. Send this joke to a friend 3 "How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg. "Well, doc, 25 years ago ..." "Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning." "Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted. I said no, everything is fine. "Are you sure?", she asked. "I'm sure, I said. "Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know. "I reckon not" I replied ... "Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?" "Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!" Send this joke to a friend 4 A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: "What are you doing here today?" Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it." Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25." The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center. Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?" Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh." Send this joke to a friend 5
