Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
    A1:   You need a quarter to use the phone.
    A2:   Only one person can use the phone at once.







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1 


A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got 
home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting 
with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after 
which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.

At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang.  "Is this the 
vet?" asked an elderly lady's voice.

"Yes, it is", replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?"

"Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's a whole bunch of 
cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I 
can't get to sleep. What can I do about it?"  

There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then 
patiently replied "Open the window and tell them they're wanted 
on the phone"

"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that will that stop them?"

"Should do," said the vet, "- IT STOPPED ME!"



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2 


The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him 
to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very 
loud voice,  "Free bus to the hotel Astor!"  On the way to the 
station on his first trip her kept repeating to himself, "Free bus 
to the hotel Astor,  Free bus to the hotel Astor," until he 
memorized it letter perfect.  

Upon his arrival at the station, however, he became confused at 
all the noise and hub bub and started shouting as follows.
"Free hotel at the bust your Astor, I mean, Free ass at the 
Hotel Bastard, I mean, Freeze your ass at the Hotel Buster, I 
mean Squeeze your bust at the Hotel Faster, I mean, Bust 
your ass at the Hotel Freezer, Oh shit...take a cab."



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3 


A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part 
of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, 
the captain asked for questions.
     
Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, "If we do happen 
to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
     
"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air 
and scatter oneself over a wide area."



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4 


A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her 
that she was pregnant.  The young lady had been married for 
ten years and had wanted a baby very badly.  As she sat on 
the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the 
good news with someone.  The gentleman sitting next to her 
seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with. 

Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever 
imagine.  I have to share it with someone or I'll bust.  She told 
him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.

The man shared her enthusiam as he shared his expierence.  
He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens 
laying eggs.  He stated that he went out to the hen house one 
morning and all of his hens had layed eggs. He was so happy. 
he added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."

The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me 
too."



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5