Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of the
divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said:
"I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month." 

To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's mighty
kind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too." 



Send this joke to a friend

1 


The barber was finishing a haircut on a customer one day
and started to apply some 'Aftershave Lotion' around his
ears when the customer yelled, "Don't put that crap on me!
My wife says it smells like a French Whorehouse!"

Another customer who was waiting replied, "Hey John, you
can put the 'Aftershave Lotion' on me... My wife has never
been in a French Whorehouse!" 

Then the fun began... 



Send this joke to a friend

2 


A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the
obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After
the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50
cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then,
let it read 'Fred Brown died'."

Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there
is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again,
counts on her fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown
died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'." 



Send this joke to a friend

3 


On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple
go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all
showered and wearing her beautiful robe. 
The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you
can open your robe." 
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is
astonished. "Oh, oh, aaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you
are so beautiful, let me take your picture." 
Puzzled she asks, "my picture?" 
He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next
to my heart forever." 
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into
the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the
new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." 
At that the man opens his robe and she exclaimes, "oh, oh, my,
let me get a picture." 
He beams and asks, "why?" 
She answers, "so I can get it enlarged!" 



Send this joke to a friend

4 


A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places
they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded
countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running
along the road.
The woman said, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did
here forty years ago."
The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and
he immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a junebug. They
made love like never before.
Back in the car, the guy says, "Darlin', you sure never moved
like that forty years ago--or any time since that I can remember!"
The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't electrified!" 



Send this joke to a friend

5