The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing
tour with a very rich African king who was a very important
client. 
The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary
is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her,
...don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to
dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.
So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you
under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-carat
diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara."
The African king pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No
problem!! I have. I have."
Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the man, "I
want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I
want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France."
The African king pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone and
calls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks at the woman, nods
his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build. I build." 
Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary knows that
she'd better make this a good one. She takes her time to
think and finally she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints
her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like sex, I
want the man I marry to have a 14-inch penis."
The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests
his elbows on the table, all the while muttering in African
dialect.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his head, looking
really sad, and says to the woman, "Okay, okay. I cut. I
cut."



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1 


The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted 
by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service 
from overhead lines to buried cable. Mother Superior called 
the electric company's complaint department to ask for help.

"The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for our 
community. You must make them stop cursing so much.", said 
the nun.

"Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their 
habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful, they will still 
tend to call a spade a spade.", said the company 
spokeswoman.

Mother superior then observed, "I think the term they actually 
use is 'fucking shovel'".





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2 


Rabbit's Ph.D. Thesis:

                                A Parable for Graduate Students



Scene: It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside
his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter.

Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"

Rabbit: "My thesis."

Fox: "Hmmm. What's it about?"

Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
(incredulous pause)

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes."

Rabbit: "Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me."

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After a few minutes, the
rabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: "What's that you're writing?"

Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
(loud guffaws)

Wolf: "You don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"

Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbit
returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

Scene: Inside the rabbit's burrow. In one corner, there is a pile of fox 
bones.  In another corner, a pile of wolf bones. On the other side of the 
room, a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth.

   (The End)

 Moral:
    It doesn't matter what you choose for a thesis subject.
    It doesn't matter what you use for data.
    What does matter is who you have for a thesis advisor.





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3 


Judi and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends.

Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!

Judi: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.

Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.

Judi: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy.



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4 


Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife's beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as
her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I've got a confession to make before I
go... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house ... I spent it on a fling with your best friend
Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I'm afraid I also was the
one who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..."

"That's all right dearest; don't even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I'm the one
who poisoned you." 



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5