A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom 
factory.  After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. 
The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard 
working, knew her tasks etc.  He called her into his office, "But 
why?" he asked.

"Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all,"  she said sullenly.

"Look, I'll give you a raise."

"No," she said

"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me."

"Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off her
underwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look I haven't had 
this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."

Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and 
showed his, and said, "Ha ha...my dear it's nature. Look I have 
it too...." 

"Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now! Not 
only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as 
well."



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1 


Joe, the neighborhood chronic borrower approached his 
neighbor, "Ray, may I borrow your axe?"  

"Not today," Ray replied, "I have to make soup."

"What kind of excuse it that?!" demanded Joe.  

"Well," confessed Ray, "I admit its a lousy excuse.  But, if I 
don't want to loan you my axe, one excuse is as good as 
another."



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2 


The Naming of Jesus


A group of biblical scholars were involved in a heated discussion about how Jesus of Nazareth 
was named. How did he become known as the Messiah, or Christ. One of the scholars argued that 
the name was a Greek corruption of Aramaic, and purists and fundamentalists ought to use the 
name Joshua. Another argued that Joshua was Hebrew, not Aramaic, to which a third argued that 
Hebrew should be used because Jesus was said to be the King of the Jews. The debate went on 
and on and became more and more sophisticated and obtuse. Finally, an old man known for his 
wisdom intervened. He informed the group that he knew how Jesus was named. When Jesus was born, 
a star shown in the sky, and three wise men from the East travelled to Bethlehem. They had 
travelled for days, suffered great deprivation, and when they finally got to Bethlehem got 
lost trying to find the manger. Finally, after much ado, and in rather foul moods, they 
reached the manger and entered the stall. As one of them came through the door, he tripped on 
the door sill, and fell into the wall hitting his head. "Jesus Christ!" he screamed, and
that is how the baby was named. 



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3 


"Jim will not be in today.  He is not feeling himself.  Thank you."

THIS MEANS:

1. He doesn't feel the way he usually does.
2. He is not in complete control of his hands.
3. His emotions are shattered.
4. His skin is numb.
5. He has transofrmed into an alter-ego (i.e. professional wrestler)
6. He is not feeling himself, in a biblical sense.
7. He has been covered in saran-wrap.
8. He is in an isolation tank.
9. He wanted to take a day off but couldn't come up with an actual illness
   to fake.
10. He is feeling others.

:) by Jennifer Schmidt and Nick Gass
JenSch@aol.com



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4 


Why Jim Smith Lost His First Love


Jim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and
after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister, he went to a department
store and bought a pair of white gloves.  The sister purchased a pair
of panties for herself.  During the wrapping, the items got mixed up.
(The sweetheart got the panties.)  Without checking the contents, Jim
sealed his package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note.

Dearest Darling,

This is a little gift to show you I have not forgotten you this Christmas.
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing
any when we go out in the evening.  If it had not been for your younger
sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears
the short ones that are easy to remove.  These are a delicate shade, but
the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had worn for three
weeks and they were hardly soiled.  I had the sales girl try them on and
she really looked smart.  I wish I could put them on you the first time.
No doubt, other men's hands will come in contact with them before I have
the chance to see you again.  When you take them off blow in them before
putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink.  I hope
you like them and will wear them for me next Friday night.
                
                                           All My Love,
                                           Jimmy

P.S.  Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year.
      Also, the sales girl showed me how they look when worn in the
      latest style - folded down with the fur showing.





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5