The Wisdom of Youth Never give up because life gets harder
   as you get older.
   After preschool the road of life keeps getting bumpier and bumpier and
   bumpier. Angela Martin, age 11
   Never blow in a cat's ear because if you do, usually after three or
   four times, they will bite your lips! And they don't let go for at
   least a minute. Lisa Coburn, age 9
   Don't think life is easy, because when you get older it is hard work.
   I used to think life was easy, now I have to do the dishes every other
   day. Nick Coleman, age 9
   Take risks. I mean, if you like this person and you don't know if they
   like you, ask them out and see what happens. I liked this girl and I
   asked her out. She said no and she hates me now, but I took that risk.
   Bruce Wagner, age 13
   A realist is more correct about things in life than an optimist. But
   the optimist seems to have more friends and much more fun. Megan, age
   14
   When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with
   atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with
   explosions. When people run around and around in circles we say they
   are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting. Rainbows are
   just to look at, not to really understand. Someday we may discover how
   to make magnets that can point in any direction. A vibration is a
   motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go. Many
   dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to
   be oil. Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you
   don't why you should. Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to
   let them know we know they're there. Some oxygen molecules help fires
   burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against
   brother.




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1 


Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
They taste funny.



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2 



    A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and
   says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her
   how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little
   old lady says, "Three million dollars." The accounts person is
   startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says,
   "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..." and the accounts person looks
   and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of
   green stuff with big denominations. This is a highly unusual event,
   and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the
   bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady
   to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the
   little old lady where she got so much money. She says, "Gambling."
   "Gambling?", he says. "What sort of gambling?" "Oh, I make bets with
   people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, I've
   got $100,000 right here that says that by noon tomorrow your balls
   will be square, and I'll even give you 4:1 odds. You got $25,000 you'd
   be willing to wager on that?" The bank president is shocked at this
   sort of thing coming from a sweet little old lady, but he didn't get
   to be the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank without knowing
   something about money. "I suppose I could come up with enough to cover
   that sort of wager, but I wouldn't feel right taking it from
   you...there's no way you can win a bet like that!" The little old lady
   just shook the bag, and said, "I know what I'm doing...and I can
   afford to lose, though I'm not going to. Is it a bet?" "Ok, have it
   your way", said the president, and they shook hands on it. "See you at
   11:55 tomorrow morning", said the little old lady, and with that she
   left. Next morning at 11:55 the little old lady arrives with a younger
   man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank president's
   office. The president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. He'd
   gotten almost no sleep the night before, waking every few minutes to
   feel his balls to check for impending squareness, but nothing happened
   all night. He had checked hundreds of times that morning, but still
   nothing; perfectly normal. When the little old lady arrived he started
   to relax, knowing he had won. "Come in, please have a seat! Who might
   this gentleman be?" said the president. "He's my lawyer. For a bet of
   this size I want to have a witness. Any objections?" "No, perfectly
   understandable", said the president. "Well, it's now noon, and I'm
   still unchanged, so I guess I win!" he said happily. "Not so fast!"
   said the little old lady. "For a hundred grand I want to verify things
   personally! Please drop your pants." The bank president is a bit
   flustered, but agrees that in her position he'd want proof as well, so
   he drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches
   out to feel the organs in question. "Ok, you win, here's your
   $100,000," says the little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As
   she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall and
   moaning. "What's wrong with him?" asks the bank president. "Oh, he's
   just upset. Poor loser if you ask me. You see, I had a bet for
   $1,000,000 with him that I would have the President of the Chase
   Manhattan Bank by the balls by noon today."




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3 


Did you hear about the 10 year old boy who asked his recently
divorced mother her age? She told him that was not a question
to ask and that he shouldn't ask it again.

He then asked her her weight. She, once again, told him that she
wouldn't answer the question and that he shouldn't ask it again.
The next question he asked was why she and Daddy got divorced.
Once again, she told him that it was not a question he should ask
and to not ask that question again. He went away.

A few minutes later, she found him digging in her purse. She asked
what he was doing and as he turn toward his mother, he beamingly told
her he had found all the answers to his questions by looking at her
driver's license.

He said, "Mother, you're 34 years old, weigh 125 pounds and Daddy
divorced you because you got an 'F' in sex." 



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4 


On the beach, how can you recognize a guy who uses an
inflatable sex doll?
Instead of staring at the bikinis, he's staring at the beach balls.



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5