What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig? 

    Nothing, there's some things even a pig won't do! 



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1 


A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner.
The attorney asks, "Before you signed the
death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" 
The coroner says, "No." 
The attorney then asks, "Did you listen for a heart beat?" 
"No." 
"So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken
any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?" 
The corner, now tired of the brow beating says, "Well, let me
put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my
desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law
somewhere." 



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2 


"You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in
common," said the new tenant's neighbor.  "Why on earth
did you get married?"

"I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract',"
was the reply.  "He wasn't pregnant and I was."



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3 


How do you confuse a blond?
You don't, they're born that way. 




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4 


How are lawyers like sperm? 

    One out of a million turns out to be a human being. 



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5