A widow was feeling rather lonely and decided that the best thing for
her would be to have a companion. So, off she went to the pet shop.
She wasn't sure just what kind of pet she'd like, so she figured she'd
just walk around until she found just the 'right one.' She went past
the adorable little puppies, past the playful kittens, past the
preening birds, past the sleeping hamsters, past the whirling gerbils,
and past the colorful fish.

Nothing really appealed to her and seemed to be just what she was
looking for. She decided to go around the store again.

On the way over to the puppies, she walked by a barrel. At the bottom
of the barrel was a rather nasty looking toad. When she looked in, he
WINKED at her! Our poor widow just shook herself! She couldn't
believe it. She rather quickly went back to the other pets on
display.

Once again, she checked out those sweet little puppies, the darling
kittens, the fluttering birds, the fuzzy hamsters, the sleek gerbils,
and the darting fish. Nothing really, really did it for her. She was
starting to get discouraged. So, she figured one last time around,
just in case she missed something.

Going by the barrel again, she took another peek. There was that
nasty toad, and this time, he puckered up & threw her a kiss!!
This was almost too much for the poor widow and she just about
ran over to the other pets.

She tried hard to find just the right one to take home with her, but
not one of those cute puppies or silky kittens or chirping birds or
golden hamsters or skinny gerbils or fancy fish seemed right for her.
Totally discouraged by now, the widow decide to go home.

On the way out of the shop, she had to walk past the barrel again. As
she furtively peeked in, the toad just gave her the most beseeching
look, and he had a little tear on the corner of his eye. He even
sniffed a bit. This was too much for our widow, she started heading
for the exit in a hurry.

All of a sudden it struck her that this poor toad was probably just as
lonely as she was. Not only that, but he was so ugly that no one
would probably buy him, especially not with all the other nice pets
available.

So up to the counter she marched, told the salesperson she'd take the
toad, but requested that he be put in a sturdy box. When she got to
her car, she placed the box on the seat next to her and proceeded to
drive home.

As she was driving along, she heard some scratching coming from the
box. She tried to ignore it for a bit, but then thought that the toad
might need some air, so she opened the box a bit. (What could it
hurt?)

She would glance over at the toad from time to time, and he kept
winking at her and throwing her kisses. She finally thought,
"oh heck, what could it hurt?" and she leaned over and KISSED him!

And POOF! He turned into a HANDSOME PRINCE!!!

And do you know what our poor widow turned into?

The first motel she came to!





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1 


A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.
When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his
poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his
migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the Doctor, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm
going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school,
but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have
a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a
while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can
stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I
get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is
killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the
headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and
see me in six weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took
your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for
17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "you have a REALLY nice house."





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2 


Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked
a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you
looking for?"

The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending
on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of
5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company
matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased
every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."



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3 


One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate
her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first
student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of
the day off.

She started with "This was England's finest hour." Little Suzy
instantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill."

"Congratulations," said the teacher, "you may go home early."

The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you,
but.." Before she could finish the quote, another young lady belts
out, "John F. Kennedy!"

"Very good," says the teacher, "you may go also."

Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny
said, "I wish those girls would just shut up."

Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know
who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill
Clinton. I'll see you Monday."



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4 


The complaint letter from Judi:

We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes 
about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate 
stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer 
and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all 
the way to the supream cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos 
all about hairassment and he will be on are side.

We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop 
this pursicushun. 

We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much 
as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we don't 
get our way we will not date anybody that ain't blond and we 
will make up jokes about you and we will laff. 

Sined by the blonds at the ofise 
(sine with a penseel so you can erace it if you make a mistake)



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5