A business man called and had a question about the 
documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy 
discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. 
"Oh, no, I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to 
have one of those." I double checked, and sure enough, his 
stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've 
been to China 4 times and everytime they have accepted my 
American Express."



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1 


There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim Alley's 
Grocery Store. The owner Tim doesn't know what Junior's 
problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two 
bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, 
sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a 
dime. 

He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger.
One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one 
side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They 
think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. 
Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"

Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!"



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There's just no pleasin' some women at all. Just the other day I was
   trying to read the paper and naturally, my wife picked that moment to
   begin a discussion. I heard her say "...and then I went to see Dr.
   Gibbons." I grunted a reply, and she raised her voice saying, "Are you
   listening to me?"
   
   I put the paper down and said, "Yes sweetheart, I heard every word.
   You said you went to see Dr. Gibbons. So... how is he ???"
   
   Would y'all believe she didn't talk to me the rest of the evening ?


  



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3