Here was a young man of Cape Horn, 
                                        Who wished he had never been born. 
                                                      And he wouldn't have been, 
                                                      If his father had seen 
                                        That the end of the rubber was torn. 
                                                                                                                                      



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1 




            A cowhand way out in Seattle 
            Had a dooflicker flat as a paddle. 
                He said, "No, I can't fuck 
                A lamb or a duck, 
            But golly! it just fits the cattle." 



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2 


There was a gay parson of Tooting 
            Whose roe he was frequently shooting, 
                Till he married a lass 
                With a face like my ass, 
            And a cunt you could put a top-boot in. 



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3 




            Thank God for the Duchess of Gloucester, 
            She obliges all who accost her. 
                She welcomes the prick 
                Of Tom, Harry, or Dick, 
            Or Baldwin, or even Lord Astor. 



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4 




            Have you heard of the Widow O'Riley 
            Who esteemed her late husband so highly 
                That in spite of the scandal, 
                Her umbrella handle 
            Was made of his membrum virile. 



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5