The middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enuff of
   work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was
   looking to get married.
   
   As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag from the drug
   store, a co-worker said, "In the past 3 weeks you've bought enough
   birth control pills to last a year, lots of vaginal foam, flavored
   douches, several diaphragms and Lord knows how many condoms. And you
   don't even have a boyfriend. Whom are you trying to seduce ?"
   
   She smiled slyly and replied, "The Druggist, silly."




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1 



   While making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn't enjoy it.
   Though they had been married only a few years, he relflectly
   unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland. Then
   quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: "What happened, did I hurt you ?"
   
   "Why no, not at all," said his surprised wife. "Whatever made you ask
   that ?"
   
   "Well, no reason actually," the bored husband replied with a sigh,
   "It's just that for a moment there, I thought you actully moved."




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2 



   A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in
   their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he
   could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor. He gave them
   thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests, then
   concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On
   your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some
   grapes and some doughnuts."
   
   "Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across
   the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's 'love canal'.
   Then, on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and
   retrieve the grape using only your tongue."
   
   "Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the
   room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his
   'love pole'. Then, like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume
   the doughnut."
   
   The couple went home and their sex life became more and more
   wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should
   see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would
   not take the case unless he felt that he could help them. He conducted
   the physical exams and the same battery of tests.
   
   Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I will
   not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will
   ever be. I cannot help."
   
   The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the
   Browns, now please, please help us."
   
   "Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home from the office,
   stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of
   Cheerios..."




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3 


The divorce court was attentive as the wealthy Yuppette complained to
   the Judge that her husband had left her bed and board.
   
   When she had finished, the husband's lawyer rose to his feet and
   coolly replied, "Your Honor, I have a slight correction in the typing
   of the charging documents. My client claims that he left her bed
   'bored'."




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4 



   I have this friend who has a real dilemma. His wife won't give him a
   divorce until she figures out a way of doing it without making him a
   happy man.




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5