On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him
sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible "What are
you doing?" asked the friend. "Looking for loopholes," repied the lawyer. 



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1 


Notice



To make things easier for all of us, please notice this Important Notice
About Notices.  You may have noticed the increased number of notices for you
to notice.  We notice that some of our notices have been noticed. On the
other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed.  This is very
noticeable.  It is noticed that the responses to the notices have been
noticeably unnoticeable.  This notice is to remind you to notice the notices
and respond to the Notices because we do not want the noticed to go unnoticed.

--NOTICE COMMITTEE FOR NOTICING NOTICES





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Why did the blonde fail her driver's license exam?

     She wasn't used to the front seat! 

Why did she finally pass her test?

     She took the examiner with her. 



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3 


British Military Officer Fitness Reports



The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports).  The form used
for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206.  The following are
actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....

- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

- I would not breed from this Officer.

- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been,
  but more of a definitely won't-be.

- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change
  whichever foot was previously in there.

- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire
  satisfaction.

- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

- Technically sound, but socially impossible.

- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around
  at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then
  he has aged considerably.

- This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to
  port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
  them.

- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

- This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

- The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
  trap

- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

- Only occasionally wets himself under pressure





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4 


Two nuns are riding a bike down a road and the first
nun says, "I`ve never come this way before!" and the
second nun says, "Oh, it must be the cobblestone!"



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5