There was an old maid from Bruton 
               Who had the bad habit of pootin'. 
                    Her sphincter was weak, 
                    Her wind she couldn't keep--- 
               This tootin' old spinster from Bruton. 



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1 


A stingy old man of St. Giles 
               Saved his shillings with miserly wiles. 
                    Just to save a few bob 
                    He would wipe with a cob, 
               And that way he got piles and piles! 



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2 


A fellow with love-making flair 
               Was licking his sweetie "down there." 
                    He said, as some gas 
                    Escaped from her ass, 
               "Thank God for a breath of fresh air!" 



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3 


When the Bermondsey bricklayers struck, 
               Bill Bloggins was 'aving a fuck. 
                    By uni-on rules, 
                    He 'ad to down tools--- 
               Now wasn't that bloddy 'ard luck! 



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4 


The life of a clerk of the session 
               Was strangled in psychic repression. 
                    But his maladies ceased 
                    When his penis uncreased 
               In straight geometric progression. 



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5