The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.

-- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being
              hit on the head by a ball in the
              1934 World Series



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1 


After finding no qualified candidates for the position
of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to
announce the  appointment of David Steele to the post.

-- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools,
                    Barrington, Rhode Island



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2 


It was so cold, the town flasher ran up and described himself.



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3 


Incest. A game the whole family can play.



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4 


I've always thought that underpopulated countries in
Africa are vastly under polluted.

-- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, 
       explaining why  we should export toxic wastes to
       Third World countries



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5