A maiden sat under a tree 
               And played with the lad's fiddle-dee, 
                    His little wood post--- 
                    Soon her jewel is lost 
               From the casket where it used to be. 



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1 



               There was a young Scot in Madrid 
               Who got fifty-five fucks for a quid. 
                    When they said, "Are you faint?" 
                    He replied, "No, I ain't, 
               But I don't feel as good as I did." 



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2 



               The Rajah of Afghanistan 
               Imported a Birmingham can, 
                    Which he set as a throne 
                    On a great Buddha stone--- 
               But he crapped out-of-doors like a man. 



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3 


If you're speaking of actions immoral 
               Then how about giving the laurel 
                    To doughty Queen Esther, 
                    No three men could best her--- 
               One fore, one aft, and one oral. 



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4 


As His Holiness signed my petition 
               He said,"I take this position: 
                    Here shines a clean mind, 
                    For nowhere can I find 
               A single lubricious omission!" 



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5