How do old people have oral sex? 

    They talk about it. 



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1 


Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he 
came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date 
stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. 
They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might 
have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.

"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.

"Not very likely," his wife said.

"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went 
downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.

With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind 
the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a 
minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark 
corner at the back of the shop.

Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"

"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would 
have thought they'd still be here after all this time."

The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be 
ready Thursday," he said calmly.



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2 


The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a 
pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following 
sentence: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to 
be delivered at your earliest convenience."

He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word 
mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so 
that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for 
two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."

Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new 
word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he 
deleted the whole sentence and started all over. "Everyone 
knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he 
typed. "Please send us two of them."



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3 


Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know 
who's-a George Washington?"

Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?"

He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-
a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a 
United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."

A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says. 
"Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"

Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"

He says, "Hah! Abaham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a 
the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a 
United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."

A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi . . . you 
know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?"

He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?"

The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while 
you're in night school."



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4 


Two men are having an awfully slow round of
golf because the two ladies in front of them
managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and
rough on the course, and they didn't bother to
wave the men on through, which is proper golf
etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man
said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those
gals to let us play through." He walked out to
the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped,
turned around and came back, explaining, "I can't
do it. One of those women is my wife and the other
is my mistress. Maybe you'd better go talk to them."

The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway
there and, just as his partner had done, stopped,
turned around and walked back.

He smiled sheepishly and said, "Small World!" 



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5