It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was
   establishing the fact
   that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking
   the roll, she was told
   by one boy "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer". So she said "There'll be
   none of that kind of
   thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!". The kid said "No,
   really teacher, it IS
   Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask
   my brother if you
   don't believe me!" Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing,
   the teacher went
   across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door. The
   fourth grade teacher
   had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she
   entered the room and
   directly asked the class "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?" "Hell no!"
   replied a little kid
   from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"
   




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1 


Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad
news and good
news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and
will need help
eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."



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2 


Did you hear about the hillbilly who went into the hardware store to
   buy a chain saw ?
   He said I want one that will cut down at least 10 trees a day.
   He was back at the hardware store with the saw a couple days later
   complaining that it only
   cut one tree and that took all day.
   The clerk at the hardware store started the saw to see what the
   problem was.
   The hillbilly jumped back and said what the hell is that noise?
   




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3 


What's the fastest way to get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.



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4 



   All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally
   dumfounded and asks, "What was that for?" Wife said, "Because, you are
   a bad fuck".
   Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the
   wife was confused
   and asked, "And may I ask what's that about?" Husband said, " Simple,
   because you
   know the difference.
   




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5