THE MASTERCARD COMMERCIAL ALL MEN ARE WAITING FOR

Cover charge: $15.00 
Round of drinks: $23.00 
Table dance: $30.00 
Another round of drinks: $23.00 
Couch dance and tips: $50.00 
A round of shots: $34.00 
A Bottle of Dom and a Limo home: 125.00 
Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00 
Sending her on her way and never having to hear her complain: 
Priceless
For everthing else.... There's MasterCard



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1 


A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a 
gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as 
they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed 
detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and 
was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I 
was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of 
other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did 
*I* get the ticket?"

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.

"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"



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2 


Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were 
planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being 
an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from 
some of the surrounding colleges to attend.

The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that 
arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most 
trustworthy students.

The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to 
send a dozen or so of the other kind ?"



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3 


This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, "Ballroom
please." A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, 
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."



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4 


One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was 
standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of 
the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the 
plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood 
beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, "Good 
morning son." 

"Good morning pastor" replied the young man not taking his 
eyes off the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.

"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the 
service", replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together 
staring up at the large plaque.

Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked 
quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"



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5