How can you tell soap operas are fictional? 

     - In real life, men aren't affectionate in bed. 



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1 


Is this really your third marriage? 

     Sure is. 

What happened to your first two wives? 

     They died.

How did your first wife die? 

     She ate some poisonous mushrooms.

What about your second wife? 

     She died from a severe skull fracture.

How did she get a skull fracture? 

     She wouldn't eat the mushrooms.



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2 


A man calls his family doctor:

man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit.

doctor: Ok, bring her in and I'll try to help.

man: Fine, but whatever you do, don't cure her. 



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3 


Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gathered
around him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room.

Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, "That's it, one last time
before I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver."

Sam's wife looked at him sadly and said, "Sorry Sam, it's for after." 



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4 


How do men sort their laundry? 

     "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable". 



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5