I had some surgery on my shoulder about 5 or 6 years ago, and 
then underwent several weeks of physical therapy. On my final 
visit, the therapist gave me some exercises to do at home, 
informing me I'd need a partner to help me with them. That 
night my husband and I celebrated my recovery with an 
especially boisterous romp in the boudoir.  The next morning I 
told him I had some exercises for my shoulder that I needed his 
help with. With a sly grin he asked, "Did we do any of them
last night?"



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A whole bunch of us were sitting around my house talking and we 
were trying to remember a guy's name. None of us could remember 
his name at all when all of a sudden my friend yells, "Dick!". 
We said yes that's it. Then she said "Boy, I pulled that one 
out of my ass". No one said anything until I burst out laughing 
and she said "You had to go there didn't you?"



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OMNI Magazine Contest



 These are responses to a contest sponsored by OMNI magazine:

 Grand Prize Winner:

 When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and
 when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered
 side facing down.  I propose to strap buttered toast to the
 back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above
 the ground.  With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed
 monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.

 Runners-up:

 If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number
 of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds
 at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually
 produce all the worlds great literary works in Braille.

 Why Yawning Is Contagious:  You yawn to equalize the
 pressure on your eardrums.  This pressure change outside
 your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so
 they must yawn to even it out.

 Communist China is technologically underdeveloped
 because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use
 acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.

 The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation.
 Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the
 arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall
 trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

 Honorable Mentions:

 Birds take off at sunrise.  On the opposite side of the
 world, they are landing at sunset.  This causes the earth to
 spin on its axis.

 The reason hot-rod owners raise the backs of their cars is
 that it's easier to go faster when you're always going
 downhill.

 The quantity of consonants in the English language is
 constant.  If omitted in one place, they turn up in another.
 When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate
 southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in
 "erl wells."





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