"God wanted to have a holiday, so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on
 where to go.
         'Why not go to Jupiter?' asked St. Peter.
         'No, too much gravity, too much stomping around,' said God.
         'Well, how about Mercury?'
         'No, it's too hot there.'
         'Okay,' said St. Peter, 'What about Earth?'
         'No,' said God, 'They're such horrible gossips.  When I was
 there 2000 years ago, I had an affair with a Jewish woman, and they're
 still talking about it.'"
                        -- fortune




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1 


"Why don't you just give me the thing?"
                        -- Kathleen Cameron, to Daniel




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2 


"I'd rather drink a pint of someone else's diarrhoea then listen to this
 stuff."
                        -- Daniel, referring to me and Martyn singing in the
                           lab (he's now joined the choir =))




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3 


"20% of all road accidents in Sweden involve a moose."
                        -- Unknown




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4 


"I just woke up, I'm 40 miles from my car and I can't remember where I left my
 trousers. I think I'm going to be a little late."
                        -- Someone's employee, rec.humor.funny




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5