A man was interviewing for a sales representative. One candidate would
have been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcerting
mannerism. He kept winking.
"Look here, I'd like to give you the job, you've got good references
and experience. The trouble is this trick you've got of winking all the
time, it might put our customers off."
"No worries." the candidate replied. "All I've got to do to get rid of
it is to take a couple of aspirins."
So saying he began emptying his pockets. The employer was startled to
see dozens of condoms, multi coloured ones, ribbed ones, heavy duty
varieties and every known brand of standard condom.
"Here we are." said the rep. He swallowed two aspirins and his winking
stopped at once.
"Thats all very well but we couldn't hire a man who was going to be
womanising all over his territory."
"Oh I wouldn't dream of it, I'm happily married."
"Then how do you account for all of these things?"
"Simple, Did you ever go into a chemist winking all the time and ask for
a packet of aspirins?" 



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1 


The Director of the Scottish Tartans Museum, Dr Michael MacDonald
was in America. An old lady fixed her gaze on his 17th Century
sporran and asked, "What, exactly, do you keep in your scrotum?" 



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2 


Richard Olivier, the son of Sir Laurence Olivier and Joan Plowright
was only a little boy when, on the front at Brighton, he was
confronted by the sight of two dogs mating. The lad turned to Noel
Coward, who was the Olivier's house guest, and said, "What are they
doing, Uncle Noel?"
"The one in front is blind." said Coward unpeturbed, "and the one
behind is being very very sweet and pushing him all the way to
St. Dunstan's." 



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3 


There was this little boy who went in the whore house with a
dead frog on a leash. He went to the counter and asked the
pimp for a whore with aids, the man knew he was young but the
boy said "please mister, just give me a whore with aids, i
have money thats no problem" the man was like ok "if you have
the money". So the boy went in and fucked the whore and came
out smiling to the man at the counter. The guy didn't understnad
why he was so happy. "its a long story" the boy said. "tell me,
i can wait" hte man said impaciently. "ok" the boy says "i have
aids now right? well--i'll go home and screw the babysitter...
she'll get aids, then my dad will come  homw and screw her...
he'll get aids, my dad will screw my  mom...she'll get aids.
Then my mom will then screw the milk man

.....and he's the son of a bitch that ran over my frog!"

sent by Alaine




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4 


A nosey neighbour remonstrated with the woman in the adjoining apartment.
"Mrs Smith, do you think it is right that a seventeen year old boy spends
three hours every night in your apartment?"
Mrs Smith replied. "Its a platonic friendship. Its play for him and a
tonic for me." 



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5