Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. 
During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that 
both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. 

"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.

"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.

"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the 
reason for your elongated penises?"

"No sir, our mother."

"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"

"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and 
when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to 
manage as best she could."



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1 


A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a 
substitute for women."

"Yeah what happened?" asked the other.

The first guy replies, "Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of 
the bottle."



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2 


Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. 
"Does your wife ever ... well, you know ... does she ... well, let 
you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two. 

"Well, not exactly," his friend replied, "She's into the dog trick 
aspect of it." 

"Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?" 

"Well... not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead."



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3 


Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the 
buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He 
goes to the emergency room.

The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see 
what I can do."

Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers."

The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the 
fingers? It's 1998. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of 
incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made 
you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"

Jon says, "Well, shit, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."



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4 


One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's 
crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at 
the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: 
disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, 
skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it 
aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her 
husband.

"A penny for your thoughts," she said.

"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can 
make a crib like that for only $46.50."



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5