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Did you know that a man is made up of many useless things? He has an Adam's apple that isn't an apple Two calves that will never become cows A nose bridge that doesn't lead anywhere A roof of the mouth that won't cover anything Twenty nails that won't hold a board A chest that won't hold linen Two boobs that won't give milk Two buns that won't feed anyone A belly button that won't button Two balls that won't roll An ass that won't pull a plow An organ that won't play music A cock that won't crow
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1
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
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2
A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup gets to her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a bombastic fart. Trying to save face, she says to the waiter: "Sir! Please stop that immediately." "Certainly, madame," replies the waiter with a bow, "which way was it headed?"
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3
A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cook saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner he cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, "Did I screw up the cooking..." "No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing."
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4
A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly, he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding a frying pan in hand. Man: "What was that for?" Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy" written on it?" Man: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of the horse I bet on." The wife was satisfied, and appologized for bonking him. Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again he is bonked on the head. Man: "What's that for this time?" Wife: "Your horse called."
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5
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