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There's these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them
is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the
matter.
1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is.
2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.
1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you
know what 2 plus 2 is?
3rd Irishman: Hmmm ... could it be Wednesday, perhaps?
1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you
Pat, do you know?
4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.
1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?!
4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from
Wednesday!
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1
President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest
condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried, "My people's
favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"
"Bill, da Canadian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power
to 'elp you," replied the Prime Minister.
"I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000
condoms ASAP to tide us over?"
"Certainment! I get right on it!" said Chretien.
"Oh, and one more small favour, please?" said Clinton.
"Oui?"
"Could the condoms be red, white & blue in colour, at least 10" long and
4" in diameter?" said Clinton.
"No problem," replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up
and called the President of Trojan Condoms.
"I need a favour, you got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send
'dem to Hamerica."
"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.
"Great! Now listen, dey hab to be bleu, blanc et rouge in colour; at
least 10" long and 4" in diameter."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yah," said the Prime Minister, "an' print 'MADE IN CANADA, SIZE MEDIUM'
on each one."
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2
A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about
sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything
they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the
back of the class.
She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, "oh miss, oh
miss!" with his arm pumping.
"Yes, Johnny, what is it?" she asked, trying to remain calm. Little Johnny
stood up and proclaimed to the class, "at our house, we have everything."
"Don't be silly," the teacher replied, "not even the richest man has
everything."
"We do," he answered, "My daddy said so the other day."
"Now, why would your father say such a thing?" she asked.
"Well, my fifteen year old sister came home with her skinhead boyfriend,
and told poppa she was pregnant. That's when my dad said "God, that's all
we needed."
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3
A man came storming out of the courthouse ranting and raving; obviously
really angry . He stomped accross the street and into the bar and flounced
down on a stool muttering, "Asshole attorneys".
The man next to him recoiled in outrage saying "I want you to know I
highly resent that remark".
"Why, are you an attorney?"
"No, I'm an asshole."
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4
How can you tell if your college roomate is gay?
-His dick tastes like shit.
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5
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